Cocktail of Emotions
A mixture of emotions mixed with a mixture of cocktails only leads to disaster...
I have to admit when I was in my eating disorder especially when battling bulimia, I indulged a bit too much in booze. It's easy to get lost in the cycle of becoming numb and remembering nothing, but the use of alcohol or drugs to numb the pain is not the answer.
Alcohol is a depressant, plain and simple. I will admit in the most devastating times it does offer a sense of relief at that present moment, but developing a dependence on it to help you through the hard times is not the path you want to take. I remember when I was at my lowest of lows I'd finish at least a bottle of red wine every night. Not saying I was an alcoholic or anything, but I did depend on alcohol on a nightly basis to pick me up and make me feel happy. In the end it caused weight gain and the next morning I felt more depressed than I was the day prior, not to mention the annoying searing headache that would be nagging at my temples. I would go work out for a couple hours and sweat it out, but would end up indulging again later that day. It's a vicious cycle that can swallow you whole if you aren't careful.
Many of us know that the college days are full of nights we don't remember, but it's important to understand the effect that alcohol has on your moods and your body. I remember laughing at the stories the next morning, but inside I felt embarrassed and down on myself for letting it happen and not remembering. Don't worry, I never did anything terrible, my equilibrium was always off and the fact I'm clumsy made matters worse. I made a fool of myself falling all over the place and never want to be in that headspace again.
Everyone has heard of hair of the dog right? A hangover can be cured with a bit of alcohol. Although this is true and I fully support a good Bloody Mary or Kahlua and coffee in the morning after a long night out to take the edge off, it is important to be aware if you are abusing it too often or drinking copious amounts in a small time frame.
It is also important to understand that if you are struggling with a mental illness whether it be an eating disorder, depression, PTSD, anxiety, etc indulging in alcohol and other substances is only going to offer a temporary sense of relief rather than fix anything. I recommend anyone struggling internally to stay away from alcohol and drugs because it will lead you down a darker path and into a headspace that isn't healthy.
I won't lie to you, I definitely indulge in a bit of wine, whiskey or tequila a couple days out of the week. However, I have made a valid effort to not overindulge in the last year. I cut down to two nights a week after my road trip around Australia ended in August 2016 and the weight just fell off. I was happier and woke up feeling lively, as though I could take on the world with a smile on my face.
The recent loss of the man I loved has brought this issue to light. I noticed my nightly intake of wine has increased and I know I have my reasons. I haven't been sleeping well and wine does give me a small sense relief from the pain I feel in my chest from missing him. However, drinking wine is not going to bring him back and it's definitely not good for my waistline or my changing moods and emotional state.
There are so many other healthier alternatives that offer great therapeutic properties. Being outdoors, surrounding myself with good company, journaling and exercising are a few alternatives I use as therapy to help me through my toughest days. As I mentioned before, indulging every once in a while is totally fine and fun, but just be mindful and acknowledge the problem if you find yourself abusing it more often than not. Starting today I encourage you to try to explore healthier coping mechanisms, I will be working right along side you to make that change as well.
Cheers to the ones we've loved and lost. Cheers to a happy and healthy life.